Bibliophile

Lately, I have been thinking about religion and the impact it has made in my life.

Religion is such a broad spectrum, we have different types of people believing in different ways, there are the ones who believe what they are taught and what they see and there are the other ones who believe based on how they feel. Firmly knowing which side you identify with is a blessing but constantly shuffling between the two is nothing but a hex.

Religion has been a huge part of my life from the day, I wouldn’t say I was surrounded by ‘religious’ people but I can say that I have always been surrounded by believers and I had been following what I had been taught without knowing its implications that has shaped into my personality and my thought process (which I am very grateful for). But by the time I turned 15, I was plunged into a questioning phase of; why is this unnecessary? why do we do this? and that’s where I started to find reasons for the actions I was taught. It was an eye-opening phase.

I thought hey that was it, I have finally grasped the idea of religion and I am at peace with it until I was plunged into my 20s and a different journey had begun for me. My love for religion started to come from my heart, truly and genuinely, but of course, there was a catch, it was at the expense of me trying to let go of who I thought I was. I had to challenge myself in trying to wear new pair of glasses to see the world from a different perspective.

I started to question if my past actions were truly an act of worship or simply a routine, if I ever genuinely felt the love and peace as strong as I do now. Given the perspective change I’ve had over the past two years, is my worship and love considered wrong and lawless? there’s so much I am yet to find answers for if this is the ‘right’ way or is it nothing but an illusion I have built for myself. If so? why is listening to Ar-Rahman my first thought when I am heartbroken? why is the thought of crying in Sujood a remedy for me?

Which brings me to my question, why do I feel attached to religion? why do I need something to guide me? is my moral compass not enough? at first, I thought it was because of my environment, there wasn’t a different choice presented to me at that time but after living in an environment that has presented with the alternate choice, why did I still choose this?

The answer was reliance and hope. Knowing there’s a Figure above all of us, whom we can rely upon at any point, is what gives me peace. As humans, we’re not always the best towards the people we love, even when we genuinely claim to ‘always be there’, we are not perfect. Some would say to seek self-reliance is the best way to go but how do I do that when I am seeking assurance externally.

That’s where religion comes to play, for many months I have only been able to preserve my sanity knowing I have a safe space to rely upon. You have to focus on how to make your present the best of the situations (even if it’s the opposite) to have the future you want, all under the reliance of hard work and faith. To worry constantly is draining and religion gives me the opportunity to not fret about what I can’t control and as long as I don’t let what I believe in block me from doing what I love, I have found my happiness.

I don’t claim to know the right way to live or how to follow something as complex as religion and I do not want to lead anyone astray with my experiences but all I can preach is about how kind and understanding we can be towards each other rather than judging and bringing each other down. If you have conventionally found peace, I am truly happy for you but don’t look down upon the ones who struggle to find their way.